I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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