holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
