For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
