i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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