wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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