fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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