seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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