I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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