Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
