Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
