We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
