is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
