I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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