um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize