What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
