First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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