So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
