I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
