and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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