sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize