I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
