Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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