Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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