Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
