...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
