you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if only i could text you this smell
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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