Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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