She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
