Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
