Your mouth is God's brothel.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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