this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
