I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
