there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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