it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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