It's Friday. Sex?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize