I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
