I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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