True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
