I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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