I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
