You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
