yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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