New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
