i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
