weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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