If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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