toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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