when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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