It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
