forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
