bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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