I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
