I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
