Yo dont text me then not text me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
