Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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