Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
