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• (503): View more from Oregon

  jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.

  Fav 17 835 3405

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  I love you football head

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• (+33): View more from France

  And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.

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• (925): View more from California

  Drunk texting is the poetry of my life

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  Did you win?

  Fav 10 2735 714

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.

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