I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
FUCK WHALES
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
