Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
