After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You've changed since you got that strap on
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
