nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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