go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
