Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
