I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
