dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
