So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
