When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
