I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
