i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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