Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
