I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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